Friday, 28 January 2011

The Alcoholic Dr Pepper

I don't know about you but I love Dr Pepper. I also love alcohol, but unfortunately Dr Pepper plus alcohol tastes like swill, so here's a cocktail I love that tastes almost identical to the real thing, yet contains no Dr Pepper. It's called the alcoholic Dr Pepper.

You will need the following ingredients.

 Pour some coke and some beer in equal measure into a glass. Top off to taste with Amaretto (I personally like Disaronno but it doesn't matter) and enjoy the cool taste of Dr Pepper with the cruel best friend that is intoxication.

Thursday, 27 January 2011

Romantic Dinner for One

Thursday is my favourite day. It's not the end of the week, but there's only one day left, so you can kick back a little. I did so with a Spanish omlette, some boiled potatoes, a salad, a bottle of white wine and redtube.

Wednesday, 26 January 2011

The Eddie Murphy Theory

Nowadays, when people hear the name Eddie Murphy, reactions tend to be neutral, perhaps bordering on negative. Unless you mention him in front of my mother, who will spurt a sentence full of swear words and synonyms of "idiotic".

However, there was a time when he was funny. Screw that, there was a time when he was the funniest, edgiest comedian around and he maintained this title right until 1996 when he was offered $16m to make this.

"Every bad decision I've made has been based on money. I grew up in the projects and you don't turn down money there. You take it, because you never know when it's all going to end. I made Cop III because they offered me $15 million. That $15 million was worth having Roger Ebert's thumb up my ass."

Now he's the only one laughing, because he gets paid millions to fart in fat suits, but today - the 27th January 2011 - let us remember him for the comic genius he was.

RIP, the Talented Mr Murphy. 

Tuesday, 25 January 2011

Crime and Punishment

It's hard to defend drinking. Whereas obviously immoral acts such as having an affair or beating the youngest/most retarded kids in the neighbourhood when they attempt to knock on your front door and run away slower than the others are easy to get away with, the punishments for heavy drinking tend to arrive swiftly and frequently.

The most obvious punishment for me is mormon girls, and the fact that you have no chance whatsoever unless you stop drinking, stop smoking and pretend to believe in a load of old shit. Even then, you have to marry them to get to the goods, which is incredibly unfair as they are SO FUCKING HOT.

Then there's the hangover. I'm immune to them, thankfully, so you can all suck it and nurse your hangovers while I play Mario.

Thirdly, the worst punishment of all. Like many forms of torture, this relies mainly on humiliation. Since your brain function tends to be inhibited by the ingestion of grotesque amounts of alcohol (intentionally, obviously, as I've yet to meet anyone who drinks Long Island Ice Teas for pleasure), there is a tendency to do things which are fucking regrettable.

I now present to you a story, through the medium of jpeg.