Tuesday, 21 December 2010

A Bad Smell (Part 2)

As I said in my last post, I don't know if K was guilty or not. The girl (who he referred to as his sister to me and as his cousin to my housemate on seperate occasions) withdrew her accusation for some reason and the case was dismissed through lack of evidence.

Still, this was not our problem. Our problem was that we had an extra person living with us who wasn't contributing to rent and bill payments and who often made us late to university by spending unfair amounts of time in the bathroom in the morning. For someone who stank of mould, K took a ridiculous amount of showers. Maybe he bathed in mayonnaise. About once a week, he and our housemate would argue over his infidelities with other unattractive women and he would storm out the house with a little suitcase choking back tears and claiming "this is really it, this time. I love her, you know. I LOVE her" before returning half an hour later with fried chicken and prawn crackers. Eventually we stopped hoping as it was thoroughly demoralising wiping our friend's tears to then see her pick up the phone and refer to him as "babes".

Lacking the balls to kick him out by force (I'm a pussy and the girls are girls) we decided to resort to passive aggressive behaviour. Whenever he was in the shower, for example, we would fiddle with the boiler, turning it up to maximum power for a few seconds to burn him then turning it off completely so he wouldn't be able to continue washing.

I shaved my arse, sac and gooch with his electric razor and pissed onto his toothbrush whenever it crossed my mind to do so.

But the real beauty of our campaign was the postal blockade. Any letters addressed to him were secretly confiscated, read, then torn up and disposed of. I am most proud of one from his bank which warned him that he had entered his unarranged overdraft and would be charged £15 per day until the money was paid back. Of course, not having read the warning letter, he paid the maximum £150 per month the bank could charge him and found out the hard way from the ATM which never lies. Too far? Consider it rent.

Sometimes the ends justify the means.

22 comments:

  1. YOU PEED ON HIS TOOTHBRUSH!??!? Thats all types of terrible.

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  2. That's just gross lol but funny.

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  3. lmao at the gif, segall is badass.

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  4. You should've backwashed his listerine while you were at it! xD

    I could give you a host of ideas to get that fool to leave if you want.

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  5. What's the source of the gif??

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  6. Damn, well if he wasn't paying rent then fuck him he deserved that shit haha. Peeing on toothbrush though... sheesh. Ruthless huh?

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  7. It's Steven Seagal in Kill Switch and a clip from Uwe Boll's Postal. Neither film is worth watching to be honest.

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  8. only one label...


    AND IT MAKES ME LOL

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  9. That is the best GIF I've ever seen! on the floor..... :)

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  10. I HATE when the water changes temperature because people mess with the boiler D:

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  11. Honestly, that GIF is insane. I couldn't read the post as soon as I saw how wild that was. I'm glad that I haven't seen either of the crap movies that the footage came from haha

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  12. be careful with messing around with the letters. it's actually illegal and punishable by law just so you know

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  13. great post i like your blog!

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  14. did he leave the house man?
    story is so thrilling

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  15. haha soo piety, yet so funny. Please don't stop! We need MOAR!

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  16. lmfao, that gif made me piss myself

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  17. haha wow I think that last one's a federal offense!

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  18. At least you didn't use his toothbrush to wipe your ass. That be a lot worse (but just as justifiable).

    Also, I want to know the movies that were used to make that gif.

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  19. haha, love the steven seagal clip at the end.
    it's not a real movie, the clips of the children getting shot are from "Postal" by Uwe Boll, a movie that is so hilariously bad that it's good again in my oppinion :P

    also following you now.


    http://kind-of-informational.blogspot.com/
    feel free to drop me a click some time :)

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